April 2009 - Posts

  • 5 Ways You'll Die Before the Swine Flu Gets You

    I have mixed feelings even writing about this, because I think it's ridiculous how much play it has already gotten in the media. 

    I'll be honest. When I first heard people freaking out about this swine flu thing, I was a little worried. I dreamed of waking up one morning only to realize I'd sprouted a snout and a tail, developed an overnight affinity for Kermit the Frog and could talk with the spider spinning webs the far corner of the bathroom. Scary stuff indeed.

    But it turns out none of those are symptoms. You don't even acquire a taste for slop.

    So far exactly zero Americans have died of the disease. But don't let that be of comfort. The World Heath Organization is one step away from declaring it a pandemic (a word I think only exists to scare the crap out of people). Alabama and Texas have canceled all high school sports (somehow I feel like this wouldn't have happened if it was football season).

    So, yeah. Stock up on your surgical masks and freak out. The END IS NEAR! 

    Or not.

    You know what will happen if you're in the vast majority of people who will get the pig flu?

    You'll get sick.

    You'll feel like crap for a few days.

    Then you'll get better and go on living a normal life. 

    Throw in some booze and a little studying and it sounds an awful lot like college to me.

    After all, swine flu isn't even the most dangerous thing going on. Here's five bigger threats to your personal well-being than some airborne virus with a farm animal name.

    5. Watching a NASCAR race

    Not that I would ever go to a NASCAR race in the first place — something about just sitting there watching cars drive around in a circle doesn't quite do it for me. But with fans getting hit with debris from a crashing car, I have one more reason not to go.

    Avoid the pandemic: Keep all 32 teeth, don't marry your first cousin.

    4. Getting in a car with P.J. Hill

    Two DUIs in the last four months?

    Avoid the pandemic: Share a cab with Lance Smith. On second thought, you should probably just walk.

    3. Scurvy

    First, it was the pirates off of Africa. Now, just two weeks ago, a Brit died of scurvy. Watch out for renegade crocodiles or chicks in tights pretending to be dudes.

    Avoid the pandemic: Eat an orange.

    2. Overheating

    More people in Wisconsin will die this summer from overheating than from the swine flu. Probably at least twice as many. 

    What are our public officials doing about this?! Why has the sun not yet been quarantined? This is a public heath crisis!

    Avoid the pandemic: Close the swimming pools. Cancel the baseball season. Take shelter in your basement or another cool, windowless area.

    1. Heart condition brought on by excessive stress from worrying about swine flu

    Omigod! Swine flu! It's gonna get me! Somebody coughed next to me. My clock is ticking!

    Avoid the pandemic: Chill. Out.

  • The Rundown: April 29

    Lots of stuff to catch up on from the last few days. I apologize for not having a post earlier in the week, but I had a 12-page paper and a debate to prepare for (it went very well, thanks for asking).

    But now that I've got a little time to breathe...

    — I understand why the Packers drafted B.J. Raji. He's a big guy who will be very useful in the middle of the new 3-4 defense. The defense was terrible last year. Indications are he'll be good. 

    But at the same time, It pained me to hear the Pack passed on Michael Crabtree. Absolutely pained me. I don't care what his 40 time was or anything like that. Did you watch the guy last year?

    He's a beast.

    You're only presented with the opportunity to get a bonafide game changer every so often, and I feel like the Packers passed on that chance by not drafting Crabtree. Put him with Jennings and Driver and Jordy and you might not even need a defense. No team has enough corner backs to defense that many wide receivers. When Vikings fans are telling me, "Thank God you didn't pick Crabtree. I'm glad we won't have to face him twice a year," I'm going to have a few pangs of remorse.

    — Not a terrible draft for the Badgers. Four guys picked in the third round, all of whom should at least have a shot at playing time in their first year. The biggest disappointment is P.J. Hill though. Kinda enforces the anti-drunk driving motto: You drink and drive. You lose.

    — So if you read the Daily Drink Friday, you know I'm not a real huge fan of the NFL Draft. I didn't watch any of the first day this year, but not out of any sort of protest. I was too busy being fucking awesome.

    — The hot issue on campus this week: the new student ticket policy. The Herald's Jordan Schelling wrote about it yesterday. Essentially, after years of a lottery of some sort, tickets are totally first come-first served. I like it, but I might have set things up just a bit differently. Give returning students a crack to buy before opening it up to freshmen. It just seems like there should be some value to having been around the block once or twice. Plus, that would limit the chances of one problem I could foresee happening: When tickets go on sale at 8:30, a rush of students clicking to buy tickets that crashes the UW ticket office server. If you want to talk about a nightmare scenario, that would be it.

     

  • Alando Tucker, thespian

    I know Alando Tucker majored in Communication Arts when he was in school at UW. He must have taken a few theatre classes, too.

    Check out this video from the Suns' official site. It stars Alando Tucker (as Billy Ray Badger) and Shaquille O'Neal as — what else? — renegade cops cracking down on vandalism.

    Just like M. Night Shyamalan, director Steve Nash can't help but cast himself.

  • With Duke in mind, 4 biggest Kohl Center games

    Yesterday's announcement that UW will host Duke in the upcoming ACC/Big Ten Challenge already has fans looking forward to next season (just 215 days away, start your paper countdown chain!). 

    It will surely be one of the toughest tickets in the history of the Kohl Center, as you would expect when one of the top two or three basketball programs in the country comes visiting.

    Just off the top of my head, the four other games that would join the upcoming Duke game on a Top 5 Biggest Games in the Kohl Center list. These aren't necessarily the best games, but the ones that were the most hyped and toughest tickets to get.

    No. 1 Illinois at Wisconsin — Jan. 25, 2005

    In a game of opposing streaks, Illinois put its undefeated record and top national ranking on the line against UW's 38-game Kohl Center winning streak. 

    The Badgers hung with the Illini for most of the game and even had as big as an eight-point lead before Illinois stormed back and took control of the final five minutes of the game. The Illini scored 14 of the game's final 15 points to win 75-65.

    Lasting memory:

    Sitting in the very top row of the Kohl Center after somehow scoring tickets, my best memory of this game is of Jack Ingraham (!), a guy who had hit two threes all season, drilling a pair of threes that swung the momentum toward the Illini.

    No. 2 Pittsburgh at No. 7 Wisconsin — Dec. 16, 2006

    Dickie V and the ESPN boys were in town for this game, which pretty much launched the season that would see the Badgers earn the national No. 1 ranking. 

    Wisconsin got out of the gates fast, thanks in large part to Brian Butch and Alando Tucker. Both scored 20 points in the first half as UW kept Pittsburgh at a distance for most of the game.

    Lasting memories:

    — My roommates and I got to the game ridiculously early to do... we weren't really sure what. Ended up we did two things. One, get a picture with Dick Vitale that ended up in Sports Illustrated.

     

    That's me, or my arm and hand, at least, just to the left of the dude with the red hair and facepaint. It should be pointed out he is in medical school at Georgetown right now. Yes, that's right. You may one day trust your life to a guy who died his hair red and painted his face half white and half red.

    The other thing that happened before the game was me telling Pitt big man Aaron Gray, "The Polar Bear is going to eat you!" Special thanks to Brian Butch and his 20-point first half for making me look good on that one. 

    — When Alando Tucker threw down a breakaway alley-oop from Kam Taylor, that was the wildest crowd I've ever been in for a basketball game. The folding chairs were all connected by a metal bar before that play. Afterward, they weren't.

    — I said the worst thing I have ever directed at an opposing player or coach to Jaime Dixon that day. And when I say that, know there is a fairly colorful list to draw from. This was so off base, I'd be ashamed to even print it. And it wasn't vulgar in the least. Let your imagination run with that.

    — I sweat through a pair of jeans and had a ringing headache for an hour after the game.

    — Oh, yeah. The Badgers won, 89-75.

    No. 3 the Ohio State University v. No. 7 Wisconsin — Jan. 9, 2007

    The second top-5 team to visit the Kohl Center that season fared about as well as the first. Wisconsin built a 20-point second half lead before the Buckeyes stormed all the way back. Jamar Butler had a look at a three that would have sent the game into overtime, but it clanged harmlessly off the rim.

    The Badgers won this one, 72-69, but the Buckeyes would get their revenge in Columbus later in the year.

    Lasting memory:

    A sign in the student section, with a particularly caveman-ish mug of Greg Oden: "OSU. So easy, a caveman can do it."

    No. 14 Illinois v. No. 24 Wisconsin — March 3, 2003

    A win and the Badgers could clinch the outright Big Ten title in Bo Ryan's second year.

    With the game tied an just four tenths of a second remaining in the second half, Devin Harris missed the first of two free throws. Harris was good on the second one, however, and the Badgers won the regular season title in most dramatic fashion, 60-59.

    Lasting memory:

    Has to be the picture of Kirk Penney on the shoulders of his classmates after the student section stormed the floor.

    --------------

    There you have it. With Duke likely to be a top-10 or even top-5 team when the season begins, December 2 will surely plant itself in this level.

    I'm sure a game or two slipped my mind somehow. Let me know what I missed in the comments.

  • Dookies to come to Madison

    After playing three of its last four games in the ACC/Big Ten Challenge on the Road, Wisconsin is due a home game for next season.

    Well, apparently they're getting one and it's one that will have people buzzing.

    The JS's Mark Stewart is reporting that the Badgers will host Duke in the ACC/Big Ten Challenge next year. That game will be a return game from two seasons ago, when Duke smashed UW 82-58 at Cameron Indoor Stadium. Date and time of the game are still to be determined, but the ACC/Big Ten Challenge usually falls the last week of November.

    Duke will return most of the pieces from a team that won 30 games and made the Sweet Sixteen of this season's NCAA tournament, with a couple notable exceptions. Point guard/future Univeristy of Michigan quarterback Greg Paulus will graduate this spring and The Fayetteville Reporter reported yesterday that leading scorer Gerald Henderson will enter the NBA draft. Henderson was a difficult matchup athletically for the Badgers two years ago, scoring 11 points and grabbing six rebounds in just 22 minutes.

    (It should also be noted the Blue Devils, my so-dark-you-can't-see-them horse to win the tournament, killed my bracket. Might have to take that one up with Coach K when he rolls into town next fall.)

    Even with the loss of Henderson, Duke figures to be ranked top-10 nationally when they visit Madison. If that happens to be the case, the Blue Devils would be the highest-ranked non-conference opponent to visit Madison in three years. UW beat No. 2 Pittsburgh in the 2006-07 season.

    Aside from the in-state trio of Marquette, UWM and UWGB, Duke is the first non-conference opponent known for next season's schedule. Not a bad way to start building that strength of schedule. With the Marquette game also being in Madison, it wouldn't be surprising if UW tries to get a high-profile road game for next season, with a return date in the future.

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