Milwaukee is on the skids of late and the starting pitching has been less then, well, existent. But the AL Central has decided to stop picking on the Brewers and - even in their spiral - our guys are just a game out of first. Breathe.

Shortstop: Twins wins. Bush wacked. Jesus, I missed National League opponents. — Tyler

Tailgating: It's been a rough week. You're hereby excused from grilling duties this weekend. Do you like pizza? Of course you like pizza. Keep the grill at home and, instead, go out for a hot 'Za before heading to the park. Make sure to still go early with a few 40s - the slumpbuster of beers. Two Colt 45 Double Malts are a safe bet, but if you're able to find Evil Eye (10 percent alcohol) and wince your way through one, you're set. — Tyler

Recommended Tailgating Music: Coheed and Cambria's "Second Stage Turbine Blade". Second Stage is Coheed (formally known as Shabütie)'s first full-length release in 2002 on indie label Equal Vision Records. I picked this particular album, not because it's my favorite, but because it is Coheed's most straight forward, rocking record. It's certainly not as "epic" as later releases, but it will keep the pre-game party going. — Joe

Handy Heckle: As easy as it would be to be drunk fan number one million to ride Barry Zito about his epic contract when San Francisco comes to town, avoid it. I tend to think former 20-game winners who've bedded Alyssa Milano and make more money when sneezing than any of us make annually don't exactly take heckles to heart. Plus I still consider Zito to be a good pitcher. Instead, try to make a positive thing into a confusing bit of hecklery. For example, a certain un-named RFBer has been known to comment on Giants outfielder Randy Winn's ability to "fill out those slacks". I'm sure there are numerous other ways to sexually harass other Giants in your vicinity too. — Tyler

Art: "Mike Burns Burns"

Though he's not the starter most Brewers fans had in mind - or even knew about - when Manny Parra was optioned to Nashville, Burns has stepped into a difficult spot and has managed to perform fairly well. Thursday's 5 2/3 inning, 6 hit, 4 ER outing wasn't anything to write home about, but it kept the Brewers in the game. He's no long-term solution for the loss of Parra and Dave Bush, but if Burns can maintain what he's done over his first 9 2/3 frames in Milwaukee as long as he's up, he's got a friend in me. Plus his name is Burns... terrible pun-related Photoshops don't make themselves up. — Tyler

Half Pint: RHP Rob Wooten. Wooten was just brought up to Double-A Huntsville from High-A Brevard County earlier this week. Wooten, a command pitcher, was very impressive as the Manatees' closer this year. At Brevard County he posted an 1.20 ERA in 26 appearances. He converted 18 of 19 save chances while striking out 44 batters in 30 innings. Congrats Rob! — Joe

Blatz from the Pabst: Joe liked Chris Bosio so much, he must have forgotten we awarded '"The Boz" this illustrious award last week. Thus, I've taken it upon me to name Mike Fetters this week's recipient. With his patent-pending bulldog glare towards home, Fetters racked up 79 saves in a Brewers uni from 1992-97. He has 32 saves in 1996 alone. He was eventually packaged with Ron Villone and Ben McDonald and traded to Cleveland for Marquis Grissom and Jeff Juden (and immediately to Oakland). What a terrible deal. — Tyler

Alternate uses for RFB shirts: 1) I have to move again at the end of August. You know I'll be using the shirts to pack my fragile Milwaukee Brewers collectibles. I suggest you do the same. 2) Got a smelly basement like RFBer Johnny Rivers? Try what he does. Put a huge stack down there in an attempt to absorb some stink. It really works... the absorbing part. Warning: stink does not go away. 3) I hear they make great shirts. Wear one of the frickin' things! — Joe

Friendly Fire: I hate those guys that come to the game, sit next to you and talk about bullsh*t all game. Not one mention of the game seems to come out of their mouths except for "I would never sit in these seats but I got them for free from a client." Listen dude, I don't care about your horses or 401K. Here's what you do. Don't say anything, just chuck a ball at their junk while yelling "heads up." They're not watching the game, so how would they know, right? Unless some poindexter narcs you out. OK, maybe don't do that. I don't condone violence, I just talk sort of tough. Use your imagination, mine is obviously tired. — Joe

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